Far it be for me to always understand the ways of God. Many days I feel trapped in a spiritual prison without bars, where my solitary confinement has been preceded by my falling away from the face of Jesus. This usually occurs for me when I cannot see things through the eyes of Christ, I have a human let-down, an expectation that God did not grant, words from the Lord that meant something different than I anticipated. And in those times, even through my daily scripture reading, my fervent prayer of the rosary and echoes of Gregorian chant I sometimes drift further away, until it is time for God to get my attention.
In sifting through the book of Leviticus, particularly Chapter 14, a treacherous and muddy book to trek through, I discovered gold. It was in fact an early look at examination of conscience for me, an infection of soul that God had given me in order that I may let Him in to clean my spiritual house. I gasped as the words on the page tiptoed silently around the confines of my heart. I realized I was afraid. I was afraid to let God point out my shortcomings, my pride and my greater desire to do my will then His. He had to infect my soul in order for me to realize that I had a problem. I had to allow Him in, and accept the trial He had given me. The house must then be cleared out before the priest goes in to examine the infection. I realized the following principles I needed to follow in order for my soul to be quarantined and freed.
That the infection was in fact bad, and went deeper than just the surface, and I had to remain isolated and away from all else but Christ for 7 days.
That I must begin clearing out this infection . (There are various levels to the infection, some running deep within the walls of our souls.) In those cases, we have to remove ourselves, isolate in prayer and closeness and communion with God until we feel we have completed that time as the Holy Spirit leads us.
If the infection of soul has come back, Jesus will come to clean us, if we ask Him. But we must recognize our infection of soul and repent, lest our whole house come down.
It was a needed awakening to the state of my soul, a cleansing, an “it’s ok come back to me” panting that my soul had been searching for. For if we do not recognize the sin or mire that we are in, if we don’t let God in, if we go at it alone, He will find a way to get our attention.
Help me to recognize my infection as I bring it to you. Help me to clear my house. Help me to quarantine myself to be with you until our time together is complete, until I have recognized my uncleanness and have been cleaned by you. Help me to examine my conscience in this way as to not have my house be brought down. Show me what to pray and how to pray. Cleanse me thoroughly so that I may be worthy of entering the plan which you have for me. Show me the error of my ways. Show me exactly what you want me to do while we spend these 7 days together, or the number of days which make this process complete.
In your name I pray,