God reigned from the wood

Animal, Fight, Fighting, Lion, Mammal, PeopleOld prayer books and hymns, there is something to be said for them. We are more into HD tv’s and fancy apps then we are old, dusty books. I don’t know if things were better back then, but the years were certainly closer than we were to when Christ was on the earth, and I am moved by the depth of the words that I just can’t seem to find depth in these days.

Sometimes we have to go backwards to move forwards. Look at things and people who had insight into God. We forget that God speaks through His people, the prophets, the saints, the ones walking around. I think sometimes we miss Him because we are expecting an answer to come from somewhere else. God told me no less than 52 times through 52 people that it just wasn’t time to move yet, but I couldn’t accept that and I moved on to number 53. But yet I didn’t move. What kept me where I was? God reigning from that wood…

I have realized that even in my rebellion, even when I have not accepted, could not accept what God’s people have told me, I listened. Oftentimes we are too hard on ourselves. We are naturally unruly people which is why we need God so desperately, and God works on one thing at a time. If we are fighting to move in the direction we want to go and yet remain in the same place because God has not given us the go-ahead to move, we are still walking in obedience, and God is working on our wrestling skills…

We have no condemnation in Christ Jesus. Guilt is not conviction. If we are writhing and struggling we are showing signs that we are changing. Resisting God’s love maybe, but not straying or walking away. Sometimes an all night wrestling match may be what we need. Walking into our closets and not coming out until God has gotten what He wanted from us. Until we are free from ourselves…

I am still in the same place despite how I feel. I will not move until and unless He has said so. In the three years I have been praying the same prayer, my circumstances have not changed, but I have. He is preparing me for war…

And I cannot be a soldier if I cannot handle the ones here. I cannot run with horses if God does not prepare me for what is to come.

And although many times I cannot find the words to pray, God hears my conversations and my thoughts and my prayerful readings. He hears the beating of my heart, and my longing for more. He knows my anxieties and my fears and wants to quiet me. There is so much comfort in that. Knowing that even though I may not have the words, I do.

In order to explore His depth, the ones that came before us, the books that contain Him, the people who contain Him, we must be listening. The world must be placed behind us, underneath us, under our feet. We must live like monks in a world filled with noise. We must choose the narrow road.

Moses answered them, “Wait so that I can learn what the Lord will command in your regard.”

Numbers 9:8

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